Wednesday, September 07, 2005

MP3: Jon Pertwee - I Am The Doctor


Now i'm really spoiling you tonight. Big time. Jon Pertwee has always been a bit of a legend to me. I've been a nerd regarding many things at various points, but Doctor Who was always one of the big nerdy things I was into (and still am to some extent). Although I thought the new series was a big letdown considering the amount of money they spent on it and the calibre of the actor they managed to get for the lead role, I've still got a big nostalgic love for the old series, and the first doctor I saw was Jon Pertwee. So why was he the best Doctor, I hear you say? Well he did kung fu, wore demented frilly velvet shirts, had a crazy A-Team style comedy army unit to help him, and he had a flying car. Oh and he was Worzel Gummidge. The greatest demented seriously non PC (can you imagine a tv series with this crazy dribbling old man playing with children every week on now?) living scarecrow freak ever seen on television.

One thing you may not have realised was that Pertwee released a single called I Am The Doctor in the early 70s. Yes a single. By Doctor Who. Not exactly singing, but they made the effort. And who would have thought that the results could be as crazy as this? Not only does it achieve a massive cult cool rating due to mainly consisting of a remix of the classic Delia Derbyshire Who theme, but it's got the craziest lyrics of ALL TIME. Here they are:



I cross the void beyond the mind
The empty space that circles time
I see where others stumble blind
To seek a truth they never find
Eternal wisdom is my guide
I am the Doctor.

Through cosmic waste the Tardis flys
To taste the secret sauce of life
A presence science can't deny
Exists within outside behind
The latitude of the human mind
I am the Doctor.

My voyage disects the course of time
Who knows you say
But are you right
Who such indeed to find the light
That glows so darkly in the night
Toward that point I guide my flight.

As fingers move to end mankind
Metallic teeth begin to grind
With sword of truth I turn to fight
The satanic powers of the night
Is your faith before your mind
No man, Am I the Doctor?



So. What the hell were the lyricists thinking? Had they even seen the program? The first verse is just random babble, odd but fine. But the second? To taste the secret sauce of life a presence science can't deny? Did I just copy and paste without correcting the transcribing errors of another webpage or is the Doctor actually searching for the secret sauce of life? Was the whole series about the quest for some sauce? We'll never know.

It doesn't get much better I'm afraid. The third verse. Now they've stopped trying. It rhymes, yes, but not much else. In fact I think it's so awful it's worth repeating.
My voyage disects the course of time
Who knows you say
But are you right
Who such indeed to find the light
That glows so darkly in the night
Toward that point I guide my flight.
"What the fuck am I
talking about Aunt Sally?"
Mindless babble. I won't even mention the fourth, but suffice to say i've never seen the Doctor fighting the satanic powers of the night, but if a story featuring the Doctor fighting Satan himself with the sword of truth was ever made, suffice to say i'd be watching. The final two lines wrap it up with more pure nonsense. In a final attempt to get some good rhymes, the lyricist turns the Doctor into a hippy who isn't even sure, after a whole song about being the Doctor, whether he actually is the Doctor after all. What a waste of time. Anyway I had to post this because it's just pure unadulterated cult genius, and a great inclusion on any mix cd/tape. Enjoy.

Download: I Am The Doctor - MP3 1.10mb (rapidshare)

17 Comments:

Anonymous john pert weee said...

solid stuff cheers!-shame i'm not spamming you too:)

12:18 am, September 08, 2005  
Blogger claren44 said...

If the track wasn't so freakin' bizarre, I'd be more amazed at the spam comments. lol Great job.
Love & Peace, Clarence

2:47 am, September 08, 2005  
Anonymous infiniteviking said...

I think it was 'the secret source of life'.

Which doesn't sound much better, but hey, it's still hilarious.

And the Third Doctor did fight The Daemons at one point... or was that some nefarious scheme by the Master?

5:50 pm, September 08, 2005  
Anonymous Grignr said...

It's sad to admit remembering this, but IIRC the line is

Who knows to say "But are you right?"

As in, who knows enough to even question the Doctors' theories (Answer: Romana, though that came later).

7:33 pm, September 08, 2005  
Anonymous Phil said...

Sorry to pour cold water on your piss-taking, but the final line doesn't have a questioning tone. I think it's an attempt at mock archaic phrasing "Know, man, am I [for "I am"] the Doctor"

9:10 pm, September 08, 2005  
Anonymous Proteus454 said...

Close Phil, I think you're bang on vis-a-vis the archaic phrasing, but I think it's more like "No man am I - The Doctor" i.e. He's not really human.

I suppose.

12:32 am, September 26, 2005  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you blindedly copied thoes lyrics, espically sences there not what I have recored.

This is what was recored

I cross the void beyond the mind
The empty space that circles time
I see where others stumble blind
To seek a truth they never find
Eternal wisdom is my guide
I am the Doctor.

Through cosmic waste the Tardis flys
To taste the secret source of life
A presence science can't deny
Exists within outside behind
The latitude of the human mind
I am the Doctor.

My voyage lie set the course of time
Who knows you say
But are you right
Who trust in me to find the light
That glows so darkly in the night
Toward that point I guide my flight.

As fingers move to end mankind
Metallic teeth begin to grind
With sword of truth I turn to fight
The satanic powers of the night
Is your faith before your mind
No man, Am I the Doctor?

11:35 am, April 12, 2007  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tried the rapid share download but it says the file doesn't exsist. Do you know anywhere else that has the download cause i luv the song.

6:33 am, September 05, 2007  
Blogger deezeez said...

Great site, but the Pertwee record is called "Who is the Doctor"

9:04 pm, September 21, 2007  
Blogger Parahelia said...

The correct lyrics are:

I cross the void beyond the mind
The empty space that circles Time
I see where others stumble blind
To seek a truth they never find
Eternal wisdom is my guide
I am The Doctor

Through cosmic waste The Tardis flies
To taste the secret source of life
A presence science can't deny
Exists, within, outside, behind
The latitude of the human mind
I am The Doctor

My voyage dissects the course of Time
Who knows? You say
But are you right?
Who searches deep to find the light
That glows so darkly in the night
Toward that point I guide my flight

As fingers move to end mankind
Metallic teeth begin to grind
With sword of truth I turn to fight
The satanic powers of the night
Is your faith before your mind?
No man am I - The Doctor.

Not that I've heard it for years, but you don't forget!

5:20 am, April 12, 2009  
Blogger SK said...

File not found. FAIL!

4:37 pm, January 11, 2010  

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