MP3: Jon Pertwee - I Am The Doctor

Now i'm really spoiling you tonight. Big time. Jon Pertwee has always been a bit of a legend to me. I've been a nerd regarding many things at various points, but Doctor Who was always one of the big nerdy things I was into (and still am to some extent). Although I thought the new series was a big letdown considering the amount of money they spent on it and the calibre of the actor they managed to get for the lead role, I've still got a big nostalgic love for the old series, and the first doctor I saw was Jon Pertwee. So why was he the best Doctor, I hear you say? Well he did kung fu, wore demented frilly velvet shirts, had a crazy A-Team style comedy army unit to help him, and he had a flying car. Oh and he was Worzel Gummidge. The greatest demented seriously non PC (can you imagine a tv series with this crazy dribbling old man playing with children every week on now?) living scarecrow freak ever seen on television.

One thing you may not have realised was that Pertwee released a single called I Am The Doctor in the early 70s. Yes a single. By Doctor Who. Not exactly singing, but they made the effort. And who would have thought that the results could be as crazy as this? Not only does it achieve a massive cult cool rating due to mainly consisting of a remix of the classic Delia Derbyshire Who theme, but it's got the craziest lyrics of ALL TIME. Here they are:

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I cross the void beyond the mind
The empty space that circles time
I see where others stumble blind
To seek a truth they never find
Eternal wisdom is my guide
I am the Doctor.

Through cosmic waste the Tardis flys
To taste the secret sauce of life
A presence science can't deny
Exists within outside behind
The latitude of the human mind
I am the Doctor.

My voyage disects the course of time
Who knows you say
But are you right
Who such indeed to find the light
That glows so darkly in the night
Toward that point I guide my flight.

As fingers move to end mankind
Metallic teeth begin to grind
With sword of truth I turn to fight
The satanic powers of the night
Is your faith before your mind
No man, Am I the Doctor?

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So. What the hell were the lyricists thinking? Had they even seen the program? The first verse is just random babble, odd but fine. But the second? To taste the secret sauce of life a presence science can't deny? Did I just copy and paste without correcting the transcribing errors of another webpage or is the Doctor actually searching for the secret sauce of life? Was the whole series about the quest for some sauce? We'll never know.

It doesn't get much better I'm afraid. The third verse. Now they've stopped trying. It rhymes, yes, but not much else. In fact I think it's so awful it's worth repeating.

My voyage disects the course of time Who knows you say But are you right Who such indeed to find the light That glows so darkly in the night Toward that point I guide my flight.

"What the fuck am I talking about Aunt Sally?"

Mindless babble. I won't even mention the fourth, but suffice to say i've never seen the Doctor fighting the satanic powers of the night, but if a story featuring the Doctor fighting Satan himself with the sword of truth was ever made, suffice to say i'd be watching. The final two lines wrap it up with more pure nonsense. In a final attempt to get some good rhymes, the lyricist turns the Doctor into a hippy who isn't even sure, after a whole song about being the Doctor, whether he actually is the Doctor after all. What a waste of time. Anyway I had to post this because it's just pure unadulterated cult genius, and a great inclusion on any mix cd/tape. Enjoy.

Download: I Am The Doctor - MP3 1.10mb (rapidshare)